Spring is a season about the first bloom of new life, where the intentions and plans of winter start to take root and grow throughout the rest of the year. It is a time for fresh starts, and for many families, a time to begin talking about care options.
When it becomes increasingly clear that someone has care needs that require additional support, starting the conversation and process to ensure they receive the help to thrive is not easy, and must be handled with empathy, dignity and compassion.
Care must be person-centred, whether that takes the form of home care, assisted living or residential care, and it must put the needs and wants of the individual at the forefront. Any conversations about care must do the same.
However, it does not help anyone to wait too long before starting these discussions, as the longer someone who needs support goes without it, the more urgent these needs can become.
With that in mind, here is a guide on when to start talking about care, how to approach such an emotive subject, and how to navigate common points of tension.
When Should You Start A Conversation About Care?
Timing is everything when it comes to care conversations, and it should not be a conversation that you rush into, nor one that you should put off until it reaches a crisis point. The earlier you have the conversation, the more time you have to navigate their needs and find the perfect situation for them.
In some cases, some small adaptations and a carer coming in a few times a week to help with the tasks around the house they are increasingly struggling with can have an incredibly positive effect on their mental and physical health.
In general, the best time to start talking about care is when you start to notice your loved one struggling more than usual or feeling increasingly burdened by everyday life. Whilst this can take many different forms, here are some major signs to take note of:
Physical Struggles
If someone is struggling to safely get around their house and do basic daily tasks without either feeling pain or risking injuring themselves, it may be time to discuss what can be done to help make their day-to-day life easier.
Examples of this include:
- Regular falls, especially if they are serious enough to necessitate visits to a hospital.
- Difficulty getting around, whether due to physical difficulties or an increasingly unsuitable house layout. If someone struggles to get upstairs, adaptations can help reduce this strain.
- Increasing struggles with day-to-day tasks, such as going to the toilet, dressing, bathing, cooking, and doing paperwork.
Forgetfulness And Memory Issues
As well as memory issues being a major aspect of dementia, forgetfulness can be a symptom of other difficulties with living independently, as being forgetful is a symptom of trauma and chronic stress.
It may be time to discuss extra support if:
- Your loved one regularly forgets important details or tasks, such as ensuring the door is locked or whether the oven has been left on.
- They keep missing appointments, particularly appointments with their GP or specialists.
- They keep getting lost or feeling distressed, even in places they are very familiar with.
Social Isolation
If someone is struggling at home, they may also be struggling to engage with people outside of their own home. The more difficult social interactions feel, the more likely it is that someone will choose to withdraw instead.
Be mindful if your loved one:
- Noticeably socialises with other people less.
- Regularly cancels meet-ups and social activities.
- Seems less enthused or interested in hobbies they used to like, especially if they have not taken an interest in anything else.
Unmanaged Health Issues
Chronic medical conditions typically require a routine and a schedule to ensure that appointments are made, medication is taken, any new medical conditions are taken care of, and one’s overall health is managed to ensure the best quality of life.
When these issues stop being properly managed, they can escalate existing care and health concerns, and the following are particular signs that a conversation should begin about care:
- Medical conditions are not being managed or are actively deteriorating.
- Prescription medication schedules are not being adhered to, with medicines either not being taken at all, being taken at the wrong times or being taken in the wrong doses.
- A general lack of attention when it comes to healthcare, such as not eating healthily, not cleaning one’s teeth, and not keeping clean in general.
A Neglected Home
Whilst a house does not need to be especially clean and tidy, there is a difference between a home that is lived in and one that is quickly becoming uninhabitable. And not keeping on top of even basic home care essentials could be a sign that a loved one is struggling to get by day to day.
In particular, be mindful of:
- Piles of dirty dishes, especially around living spaces or around the sink, that have not been cleaned.
- Food in the fridge that has been allowed to spoil and go mouldy.
- Bills that have been left unpaid, especially if there are reminder letters or final demands.
How Should You Begin The Care Conversation?
A care conversation will need to be gentle, need to be undertaken at the right time and will generally not begin and end with a single discussion; major decisions need to be seriously thought about.
Here are some top tips to begin this conversation:
Research Your Options
Care is more than residential homes; have a look at different types of support, and take a look at the different options for care and support ahead of time if you are able to. Respite care and home care can ensure that a loved one can stay in their home if they want to.
Makes Sure You Pick A Relaxed, Comfortable Time To Talk
Timing is everything, and choosing a time when someone is not distracted, is comfortable and relaxed is ideal. Often talking about it during a routine visit or on a quiet afternoon will be much better.
Put Empathy First
Frame the conversation in terms of your own concerns and ensure that your loved one is getting support to help them live their best life. This is not about criticism or telling someone that they cannot take care of themselves, but emphasising compassion.
Use open, gentle questions and actively listen to their responses. They may initially feel defensive, but make it clear that this is about ensuring they live the best life they can.
Focus On Independence And Control
The care system is about ensuring people can lead independent lives, and emphasises that a few small changes could help them live longer in their own home and be free to do what they want to do.
They are also in control of what care they receive; nothing will be imposed on them. Include them in every decision.
Start Small
Care plans always begin with the smallest steps possible, so start by looking into little ways in which care and support can help. Perhaps it could involve installing grab rails so they have something to hold onto when walking around, or having someone to cook a meal once a week.
Prepare For A Follow-up Conversation
No decisions will come from the first conversation; it is all about understanding needs and exploring your options.
Keep the conversation open-ended and ensure they know that they are not alone in this.
